Why do i work so hard? Why do i make dsd site for free? Why do i give free tuition to my friends? Why do I help people do their work and get no pay? Why do i help people do their work and get half or less than half the pay? Why do I help people to achieve their dreams? Why am i not surf pr0n not drink beer not smoke? Why do I apologise for things i dun do just to let everything be ok again? Why do I not get angry when someone should totally piss me off? Why do I feel like vomiting? Why am i even asking all these questions?

I need a way to destress. Used to hang out with luna and the rest of the shoxx people. That kept me destressed till the day she said "stop it". After that i havent really been able to really destress myself. I think the accumulation of stress has brought about my inability to sleep, lack of appetite, crazy mentality and degrading of myself. Hell i try to be the "best person" doing things that are what people say "right". I devote all my life and all i got to helping my friends. For free. Am i crazy? I could have made a lot of money if i charged per effort I give. If i didn't spend all those money making Luna happy... and all those money when i was with my ex. Hell god knows what i can buy now. Spending on Luna and making her happy was not even close to what i spent when i was with my ex.

I used to think that making people happy, putting their burden on my shoulders. Seeing my friends succeed with me and seeing the people i love... Smile. That used to make me happy. Used to be able to make me go on. But now the way i see it... After all that i've been through. I'm still not happy. I am not angry or sad either. Just not happy. I dun smoke, i stop playing arcade, i stop playing drums, i dun drink, i... WTF i dun do anything. Maybe i should go clubbing this weekend. Get myself drunk and relax myself to the music. And maybe get myself totally drunk that i forget all these things in my head. I got to some way or another.

(0) So Waddaya Think! 4:11:00 AM